A Rant: Pokemon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire Waiting Game

I’ve never been a very patient man. I hardly ever order items off the Internet because I prefer to go to the store and buy them. I can’t stand waiting in lines. And I hate that we don’t have more information on the Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire Rom, and that we’ll have to wait until after E3 to get our hands on a US Nintendo 3DS 2nd gen.

I’ve managed so far. Buried under a deluge of Nintendo games, most of which are a month old, we’ve managed to have some new content on the website every day. We’re working on bringing updated interviews and reports on a variety of third-party developers and publishers regarding Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. But that doesn’t make the wait any less painful.

In March, Japan will get the first Nintedo 3DS 2nd gen units, and you can bet we’ll have some in our hands as soon as possible. We might not understand a word of what’s written, but we’ll be racing around the track in Pokemon Omega and Pokemon Alpha Sapphire rom quicker than you can say “3D Gaming.” But that’s still two months away. And don’t even get us started on the launch of these games– that’s still almost a year away. Okay, maybe few months, according to Nintendo.

So what are we supposed to do while we wait impatiently for more gaming goodness to come from our favorite console manufacturer? Luckily we’ll have at least a couple of good games to keep us occupied — Mega Man 64 should hit very soon, and Paper Mario will come out in early May. But other than that, things are pretty dry until Aidyn Chronicles and Conker’s Bad Fur Day arrive in March. What to do?

Well, while we’re struggling to bring you what news we can dig up, I figured I’d make some recommendations. They might be silly to some, but for others (like myself), they’re a lifesaver of diverted frustrated energy.

I would never condone actions that would get someone expelled from a store. Of course not. But I think it might be fun, if bored, to walk into a Software Etc. (or any software store, really) with a feather duster — one of those big ones on a stick that contain multicolored feathers. Obviously some looks will be directed your way, but you’d immediately want to go to the shelves containing the Nintendo games, and start dusting. Tsk over the poor state of the 3DS titles like Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, which have been sitting on the shelf for so many weeks, untouched, collecting dust. If anyone happens to be browsing the section, scowl at them and slap their hand away if they attempt to touch one of the games. You could even start rearranging them in alphabetical order, if they’re not already. And if anyone asks you what you’re doing, simply scowl and say, in the gravelliest voice possible, “Must make them pretty for the master. Pretty for the ‘cube that will rule them.” If security shows up, throw the feather duster and shriek, “You will all fall before the might of Miyamoto!” Then run. I suggest you do this in a store you have no intention of ever visiting again.

Who are these people who make millions of dollars on videogames? They’re just people, and you’re a person too! Design the best Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire game, and reap the rewards of countless flocking fans praising your work. Never mind the games that garner more ridicule than a platypus in a dress. If you can play ’em, you can make ’em. Just start writing out an epic plot filled with twists and turns that will keep players on the edge of their seats. Then you can just find a cheap 3D modeling program and create hundreds of monsters to kill, along with some highly detailed models of the characters that will bond with players, heart and soul. Then you can just use the programming language of your choice to put it all together in a revolutionary new interface that mingles some elements of the old with spellbinding new game features that will make your game an instant blockbuster. All you need now is a few dollars to get it duplicated and shipped to stores all over the country — I recommend taking old games back to the store and trading them for newer games, which you can then sell to your friends at outrageously marked-up prices.